Racing Thoughts

Got my bipolar racing thoughts turned off. I kept thinking, “I don’t want to make this about myself.” So I’d try to find a way to make it not about myself. The only way I knew to do that would be to make it not about anybody. Otherwise I’m putting myself at a disadvantage. And if I’m at a disadvantage compared to others, haven’t I made it about myself? I have to make it not about myself so I make it about everybody. The only problem is that when you make it about everybody equally, problems of society crop up.

In society, everyone has a different ability and need. In the most abstract terms possible, there generally is some sort of compensation mechanism that takes into account a person’s ability and need. The things they can give to society and the things they take. I quickly set out to find a way to address this. Think about it for a second and realize that there are many ways to answer this question.

And I did. I set out to answer this question over and over. Over and over the same problem came up. I could imagine a philosophy that was articulable and stable on the surface, but the only way to bring it to action was to take it the world. Book tours and TEDx talks and tweets and press tours all swirled in my mind. And suddenly it was about me again.

I did this in a tight loop. Over and over. Faster and faster. Until I just stopped.

Something snapped.

I was done.

No more racing thought.

The worst of bipolar biology was done.

And I was safe.

Racing Thoughts” was originally published in the book Olivia the Angel by Robert Escriva.